Long Distance Relationship Tips: MAKING it WORK
Long distance relationships can be challenging and often difficult. Here's advice that might help you stay together.
The long-distance romance is a modern phenomenon. One hundred
years ago, the farthest a woman might look for a suitor was the next
farm over. With the advent of the automobile, one might find the man of
her dreams in the next city or even the next county. But today, with the
availability of airplane travel and relationships springing up via
internet dating services and through e-mail correspondence, long
distance relationships have become much more commonplace. It is not at
all unusual today for a couple to carry on a thriving romantic
relationship though hundreds or even thousands of miles apart. Long
distance relationships do, however, have unique difficulties. The
success of a long-distance relationship might depend greatly on whether
the two people who make up the couple adopt the "absence makes the heart
grow fonder" or the "out of sight, out of mind" philosophy. If you
believe the former, chances are you have what it takes to make a long
distance relationship work. Here are some tips to increase your chances
of keeping those home fires burning while the two of you are apart.
Commitment If
you want your long-distance relationship to work, it is important that
both of you agree on the level of commitment you expect from the
relationship. If one of you sees the relationship as serious, committed
and monogamous, while the other sees it is as a fun and flirty fling,
then there are going to be problems down the road. It is important to
make sure you are both on the same page and expect the same things from
the relationship. Before throwing your heart and soul into a
long-distance relationship, sit down with your partner and communicate
openly and honestly about how each of you views the relationship, where
you see it going and what you expect from one another. Agree on the
ground rules. Making sure you are in agreement from the outset as to
where your relationship is headed sets a firm foundation for the future
and helps to avoid disappointment down the road.
Communication Communication
is a key in any relationship, but in a long-distance relationship,
regular communication is crucial. Set aside regular time to talk to one
another on the telephone. Take advantage of lower evening and weekend
telephone rates. Make sure your cell phone plan offers free long distance
and sufficient free weekend and off-peak minutes. Burning up the
long-distance telephone lines is one sure fire way to keep the passion
alive when the two of you are apart. But today's technology offers lots
of other ways to communicate with your romantic partner. Flirt via
e-mail. Enjoy an occasional night of passionate instant-messaging on the
computer. Send each other cute, romantic (and often free) e-cards. And
don't forget the more traditional ways of communicating with a
sweetheart who is far away. Revive the long lost art of letter writing
and send your significant other a passionate love letter now and
then. Pop a card in the mail on special occasions or for no reason at
all. When you are not often able to communicate your feelings through
touch, other forms of communication become even more important. The
long-distance relationship is the place to let your imagination run wild
and come up with creative ways of keeping the lines of communication
open between the two of you.
Honesty Honesty is vital to every
relationship. In a long-distance relationship, however, honesty has to be
taken a step further. The longevity of a long-distance relationship
depends a great deal on your ability to communicate honestly with one
another about what you are feeling and to resolve issues that, if left
to fester, might destroy your relationship. Do you always feel as if you
are competing with the sports channel when you call your partner? Does
your sweetheart seem to give her relationships with her girlfriends
higher priority?If you want your romance to last, then you cannot ignore
these feelings and allow resentment to take root in your
relationship. Be honest with your partner about how you are feeling so
that these issues can be addressed.
Compromise Willingness
to compromise is an important element of a successful long-distance
romance. In a long-distance relationship, time together, whether on the
telephone or in person, is a cherished commodity. You may have to
compromise at times to make sure your relationship gets the attention it
deserves. Take turns visiting one another to lighten the burden
financially on each of you. Be willing to turn off the television and
miss the first quarter of the basketball game when your lover calls and
truly needs your time and attention. On the other hand, give your lover
space, too, and be willing to reschedule a telephone call if your lover
is watching the Big Game with friends and what you want to talk to him
or her about can wait.
Flexibility In order to make a long-distance relationship work, both
of you have to be flexible. Things will not always go as planned. A
long-awaited and much-needed weekend together may have to be postponed
due to an unexpected work commitment for one of you. Understand that this
is an occupational hazard of the long-distance relationship. It WILL
happen, and when it does, be ready and willing to shake it off and go
forward. Do not let the disappointment eat away at you and damage your
relationship. Be ready to deal with unexpected changes of plan. Be open to
spontaneous and last-minute opportunities to be together.
Trust Of
all the things that will eventually kill even the most passionate and
loving long-distance relationship, lack of trust is the most
prevalent. If you are sitting at home nights wondering what your partner
is up to in another town, you have a problem. If you get upset when your
lover's telephone line is busy, sure that he or she is talking to
another romantic interest, you have a problem. If you cringe when you
call your sweetheart's office and hear his sexy-sounding secretary's
voice, you have a problem. If trust is an issue in your long-distance
relationship, take a good, long look at the reasons for the mistrust. Has
your partner given you reason not to trust him/her? If so, have these
issues been resolved? Is it, perhaps, time for you to let go of the past
and give him/her a chance to establish a new level of trust in your
relationship? Or, if there are no rational reasons for the mistrust, do
you have trust issues based on previous relationships or past hurts? If
so, then you need to take a look at the reasons behind your inability to
trust and deal with them. Seek counseling if necessary. If you are having
trouble trusting your long-distance lover, the relationship will not
work. Whether the mistrust is well-founded or not, it has to be resolved
before you can move toward a successful and lasting relationship.
Independence It is especially important to
maintain a level of independence in a long-distance relationship. It is a
mistake to sit at home by the telephone every night, waiting for your
lover to call. Keep busy, be involved, and enjoy time with friends and in
activities that are important to you. If your partner has a healthy
approach to relationships, he or she will be doing the same, while still
keeping you first and foremost in his or her mind. Giving up your life
in favor of sitting home alone or spending each and every night on the
telephone with your lover will eventually prove fatal to your
relationship. Stay in touch with the things that make you the person you
are, the things that keep you vibrant and alive and interesting, the
things that made your partner fall in love with you in the first
place. Keeping the sparkle in your own eyes is a sure fire way to keep
the sizzle in your romantic relationship.
Acceptance People
who are involved in successful long-distance romances are
realistic. They understand and accept that a long-distance relationship
is going to have its own unique set of challenges. Rather than pout and
complain about the obstacles in a long-distance romance, they focus on
the positive aspects of the relationship and look for creative ways to
minimize the impact of the geographical distance between them and their
lover. Those in happy long-distance romances are accepting not only of
their circumstances, but of each other as well. When you only get to see
your lover once a month, the last thing you should be worried about is
whether he puts the toilet seat down or whether she takes a few minutes
longer than you would like to style her hair.
Optimism If you want your long-distance
relationship to be successful, you have to see the glass as half full,
not half empty. Do not dwell on the negative. When you are feeling sad or
disappointed because you cannot be with the one you love, take that
opportunity to plan for the next time when you will be able to see your
sweetheart. Use the passion you are feeling to your advantage and make
sure your next romantic encounter will be one your partner will never
forget. Always have your next rendezvous scheduled, even if it has to be
several months away. Mark it on the calendar and count down the days. Just
knowing that you will see your lover in X number of days gives you
something to look forward to and helps to keep the relationship upbeat
and fun. Before you know it, the long wait will be over and the two of
you will be in each other's arms once more.
Although
long-distance relationships require considerable more effort and
attention than the traditional dating relationship, the rewards can be
well worth it. Individuals involved in successful long-distance
relationships often have a greater appreciation of each other. They have
learned to value their time together, to communicate more often and on a
deeper level and, above all, not to take each other for granted. The
rewards extend beyond the relationship and to each individual's personal
growth. By necessity, people in long-distance romances learn to be more
open and communicative, more appreciative, more trusting and more
independent. Look at your long-distance relationship as an opportunity to
get to know your partner, and yourself, on a much deeper and more
satisfying level.